It's 1.32am. It's pitch black outside, at least from my window, looking out. And all i can hear is the humming from my computer's harddrive.
And all i can do, is fret.
I've been fretting all night, feeling incredibly anxious. Displaced. Like I was never meant to be here, supposed to be somewhere else, but its more frustrating because I dont know where the fuck it is I'm meant to be, or I'd like to be.
Ok wait. I actually do know, where I'd like to be. But I wonder if I actually did get there, I'd be any happier.
So perhaps, it's the hormones. It's the day. It's how the day and my mood has swung.
At 5.34pm. I had been sitting on a smoothened rock face, battered and smoothed over by countless of waves over time, I know not , how long. I had been there, relishing the sensation of legs being immersed in this crisp water. So clear, I could see tiny shells floating underneath.
It was incredible. It was great. Yet I kept continually feeling I wasn't really there, wasn't meant to be. There's somewhere else.
Where, and what the fuck is it.
And all i can do, is fret.
I've been fretting all night, feeling incredibly anxious. Displaced. Like I was never meant to be here, supposed to be somewhere else, but its more frustrating because I dont know where the fuck it is I'm meant to be, or I'd like to be.
Ok wait. I actually do know, where I'd like to be. But I wonder if I actually did get there, I'd be any happier.
So perhaps, it's the hormones. It's the day. It's how the day and my mood has swung.
At 5.34pm. I had been sitting on a smoothened rock face, battered and smoothed over by countless of waves over time, I know not , how long. I had been there, relishing the sensation of legs being immersed in this crisp water. So clear, I could see tiny shells floating underneath.
It was incredible. It was great. Yet I kept continually feeling I wasn't really there, wasn't meant to be. There's somewhere else.
Where, and what the fuck is it.
3 comments:
Hope you eventually got some sleep!
I think we all get that restless feeling from time to time. Sometimes I look down the road and wonder what would happen if I just drove down it, neglecting to say a word to anyone about where I was going.
Agreed.
I have been very tempted before to simply pack a few things in my bag, my passport and LEAVE.
I've actually been plagued by this desire for a while now. Especially when i was 18...and then again very much so last year.
The urge hasnt been so strong this year. I think it's probably because I've been alot happier.
Such a feeling doesn't always result from personal unhappiness. I'm very happy with my current life, my environs. But I still want to explore, and still contemplate shaking loose from routine, even if it is comfortable routine.
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