I would have liked to accelerate those moments where I have been miserable, embarrassed or in pain. Especially in those times when my perception of humanity fails me. Paradoxically though, i savour those moments, replaying the images and conversations in slideshow pastiche. Every detail and pang, a shake of salt, a dash of vinegar and that twist of green, green lime.
Perhaps it is simply that, in those situations, my idealism is brutalised, harshly dealt with, punched all the way through, leaving the taste of burnt meat and the smell of singed disbelief.
I am left drowning as reality floods in, torrential, heavy, sucking me further into my collapsed bubble of faith.
Even then though, such ruination has a purpose. The sheer pain shocks me to realise just how fragile, vulnerable we are. And just how deluded we are in the times when we believe we are invulnerable, buoyed by this false sense of security: "that all is well". Pain serves another purpose: we are reminded...I am reminded, just how alive we are, and how very much so still, despite everything... we...I...quest to remain so.
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