Random thoughts

Tori Amos is coming to Sydney in September.

Cannot wait.

This woman, i think kept me going through my angstiest, angriest years as a teenager. Incredible voice, often heart-rending, perculiar but personal lyrics left open to interpretation...you never really know whether you've quite figured it out even after the 18th time you might have heard a song from her.

But oh so identifiable especially when in my teens...

Girl--
"And in the doorway
They stay and laugh
As violins fill with water
Screams from the bluebells
Can't make them go away
Well I'm not seventeen
But I've cuts on my knees
Falling down
As the winter takes one more cherry tree
Rushin' rivers thread so thin limitation
Dreams with the flying pigs turbid blue
And the drugstores too safeIn their coats
Anda in their do'sYeah smother in our hearts
A pillow to my dots
One day maybe
One day
One day she'll be her own"

I kinda see her as the Madonna of confessional alternative-piano-pop-rock. If there is such a thing, she's definitely it.

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I need to sit down and write. Write properly. For myself, figure out things. Submit things. Create things. Just create and think for myself, for more clarity. I also understand the danger in that...in thinking, overthinking and never quite achieving. But the journey is on.

I cannot wait exams are over.

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What is it about our puny short lives. We struggle so hard to live and then to live well and then to live at all...the whole time, we are struggling all the way to our old age and deaths. Even in death, we struggle, 'death throes'. We struggle so much...so much does seem futile. So much to learn, to accomplish, to see, to meet, to know, to create...to help...

So much futility. I cannot help but once in a while in wallow in this sense of listlessness. If, despite a lifetime of work to creating and helping...how does one ensure that there will be others to take up the baton, to keep your work going? None. There is no guarrantee there is even less surety when you place trust in people. We are so short lived and vulnerable and intrinsically so flawed.